Written by: Francisca

"I am never going to be happy"...
"She is always making me feel bad"...
"This shows what a horrible person I am"...

These statements are what we often hear or even tell ourselves during times of trouble, unhappiness or confusion. In psychology, these statements are known as cognitive distortions which cause us to see a false and inaccurate reality. These irrational beliefs give us a negative outlook on reality and should be brought to our awareness as soon as possible. Identifying when we have these distortions are the first step in correcting our inaccurate thinking and allow us to have more positive thinking patterns! Here are 5 such cognitive distortions that may control your life:

1. Overgenralising:
This thinking pattern makes you perceive a single negative event as a never-ending loop of defeat. One example would be when a man gets retrenched from a company. He then feels that he can never do anything right and he is a complete failure.

2. Blaming:
Holding others accountable for your emotional pain is 'blaming'. However, blaming yourself for every problem outside of your control is also part of this distorted thinking pattern. Example, not taking personal responsibility for one's mistakes and placing the fault on others.

3. Personalisation:
This distortion occurs when a person believes that what people say or do is to hurt him/her, even when it is not meant in that way. Similarly, this also occurs if the person feels that his/her actions are accountable for an external unrelated event they were not responsible for. For example, saying that the meeting was horrible for everyone because he bought the wrong kind of coffee for himself.

4. Black and White Thinking
There are no grey areas in thinking. Things are either very good or very bad, there is no in-between. This polarised thinking is when you see things only in extremes. One example would be labelling a person either good or bad, and not seeing that there may be some good in the person.

5. Emotional reasoning
This thinking pattern occurs when emotions outweigh logical thinking. One example would be feeling unmotivated, so you decide that you will completely give up on a project. Or, when you feel guilty and automatically think you are the worst person in the world.

There are many of such cognitive distortions that exist. You may not be aware of its presence, or if you have been rehearsing them unknowingly. This post hopes to bring into light the existence of such negative thinking patterns and hopefully allowed you to gain a little insight into your thought process. Learn to challenge these automatic thoughts and slowly, you'll find yourself having a more positive outlook on life!

Written by: Francisca

When someone is depressed, (s)he is not simply upset or down. Depression is a serious mood disorder that negatively affects how someone thinks, feel and behave. These intense feelings of sadness, loss and helplessness can overwhelm your life and affect your daily activities. Living with depression is not easy, and seeing someone you care about having depression can be heartbreaking. If you know someone with depression, you may often wonder how to help them... or console them... or why they are depressed in the first place. Well, this post aims to equip you with 5 tips you can do to help. 

1. Provide a listening ear 
Sometimes the best thing you can do is to let them know you are there for them. No judgements, no criticism, no interjections. Just simply, listening. This is the most basic and powerful tool to support your friend, family member or loved one who is depressed. Listen to what they have to say by making eye-contact, validating their feelings and asking relevant questions to show that you are listening. Sometimes, they don't need any advice or suggestions on how to solve the problem. If they wanted it, they would' ve asked. Understanding and acknowledging their pain and sadness is important during these times. This shows your care and empathy for his/her situation.

2. Educate yourself
Equip yourself with knowledge of depression. There are many resources out there that provides you with the necessary information about this mood disorder. By better understanding their situation, this may provide you with a better sense of control over the situation. This gives you more patience and tolerance, helping you to be there for them without feeling confused or upset. To start, click here for more information on depression!

3. Take care of yourself. Do not take things too personally
It is not their fault that they are depressed. Similarly, it is not your fault that they are depressed. They may lash out and throw their frustrations at you. You may be emotionally drained, and get easily upset. And that is a perfectly normal reaction. It is important to look after yourself when supporting who is depressed. It is okay to feel upset, but during these times it is important that you stay patient and avoid blaming yourself. Remember, it is not your fault and not your problem to fix. Take a break if you have to, talk to someone about it or even consider talking to a therapist about how you feel.

4. Know when things get serious
Depression is a serious disorder that should not be taken lightly. There are varying forms of depression which range from mild to severe. Suicidal thoughts and self-injury are common amongst individuals who are depressed. Therefore, when your loved one shows any signs of serious suicidal thoughts or self-harming behaviour, it is important to intervene. If you think (s)he is considering suicide, urge them to call the suicide helpline or a therapist for crisis intervention. The Samaritans of Singapore is available 24/7 at 1800 221 4444.

5. Encourage them to seek professional help
The next best thing to do besides listening and educating yourself would be prompting them to seek professional help. This can better allow him/her to manage her symptoms and gain back control of his/her life. However, it can be daunting to search or go for a therapist session alone. Therefore, you can help journey with them by going to their first session together or simply making the first appointment with her. This is to show that (s)he is not alone. If you know someone who needs professional help, you can choose to contact us at help@psychologyclinic for more information.

There are many more things you can do to support your loved one if they are depressed. However, remembering these 5 tips may be useful to help journey with them. If you need any support or know anyone who requires support, our professionals are here to help. Contact us or book a session on our home page.

Hello there! Thank you for visiting The Psychology Clinic (Singapore)'s blog. On this page, we would like to share some of our thoughts and give some insights on the world of psychology. Join us on this journey as we explore different concepts and theories on our elusive mind. For this page, we encourage an open conversation and discussion on the various topics. However, please be respectful and kind in the comments section as you don't know who may read it!  If you have any suggestions on topics, ideas on what we should write next or any burning questions on psychology, feel free to comment below. We look forward to your active participation and your wonderful insights!